Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
