I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
