so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
