How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
