I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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