I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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