It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
