Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
