omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They took my balls.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
