She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
