your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
