Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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