you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
