Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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