plz talk dirty to me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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