Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
