HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
