textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
