Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
