Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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