Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
