Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
