I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
