He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
