Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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