well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
