Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sponge bath it is.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
