What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need to sanitize my soul.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
