just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
