He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
