would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
