Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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