brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
