I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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