So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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