it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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