if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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