My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
