my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love having hate sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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