yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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