Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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