worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
