I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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