She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
