you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
