my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
