Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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