I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
