I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
