he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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