i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
