foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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