We're like a lot better than the average bears
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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